Wednesday, November 2, 2011

White Blank Page

It's been some time since my last post. For several months I had been trying to finish all of my images for my website. I was actually really close to being ready to put them up but recently I lost/got my laptop and external hard drive (with the only finished versions of my images) stolen. So, now I'm having to start all over. While, I was a little (okay, a lot!) depressed several weeks ago, I am feeling a lot more positive now. I have finally begun re-editing all of the images that are important for my collection. I am even finding images I had previously overlooked to be fairly good, which is kind of neat. I have purchased a new laptop with the help of many of my friends/acquaintances/family members/even teachers and staff at school. It still surprises me that people can be so generous. I am so grateful for everyone's help. Really, if it weren't for them, I would still be moping around feeling sorry for myself.

Self Portrait

Self portraits are kind of strange to me because I always feel vain taking them, but on the other hand, it's always been a way to document how I am feeling at any particular moment. Some people write in journals, but I can't express myself in words. I'm a very visual person. But not just in the act of taking the image, but also in how I edit them. The last few weeks have been very confusing for me. I had never, in my life, felt so much lacking in artistic drive. I've always thought of myself as someone who has to continue working on art all the time to stay happy, it never really mattered what the medium was. So, when I realized all the time I had spent editing those images, images I no longer had copies of, I just felt so upset. It seemed like such a waste of time. Why make art if you can't show it to anyone? While I enjoyed every moment of taking and editing those images, it's also just very difficult to see them go. but they are gone now. I have tried to make my peace with that. I am trying to look at it with a different perspective. I now have a chance to actually go through my images again, and edit them the right way, a way that's very cohesive. The image above will be apart of my self portrait series. I am feeling proactive.



what a beautiful self-portrait. poignant, yet full of promise at the same time.

Butterfly Landing said...

Stop telling yourself that you can't express yourself in words. I LOVE reading your expressions of yourself and your art. I LOVE that you write about your art, allowing us to know the background, the reasons for the photo/sculpture. Not all artists are so open and generous, perhaps protecting themselves. Your spirit comes through in your words as well as your art. Maybe that third grade daily journaling paid off in one of those light/dark corners of your mind, kind of a comfort zone, allowing you to bring all of your selves to the forefront. Do you, or does your mom, still have all those journals? It would be interesting to read again...even those ordinary days that you just kept your pencil moving, kind of like continuing to click the shutter on your camera, your eye on the world.

I couldn't be happier for you, that you have found a way to express your passion, your perfect self, in photography and the other arts, in a way that is personally satisfying. Not all people are so fortunate. I am still searching for a new passion. I enjoy lots of things, but a passion resides in a special place.

It is a huge tragedy to have lost so much work. One would think the hard drive would have been enough back-up. You have a thousand years (it seems to "old" me) to create millions more perfect images. Keep on sharing: your smile, your passion, your creative arts, and never forget words are a part of the arts...and that you are sharing another beautiful part of you.

Love, Ms Carlson
(You can graduate to "Barbara")

Omoir Photography said...

This is drop dead gorgeous! Mysterious, odd and beautiful all at the same time. WOWzers!

Meagan :: Mo Pie, Please said...

This is absolutely beautiful.

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