Rise

Recently Jeff has been away at ASU, teaching and learning, so whenever he comes home we always try to have an LA day*. One day, towards the end of the night, we were walking to Pizzeria il Fico from our car and I spotted this vacant building right next to the restaurant. I couldn't help but notice a strong resemblance to my favorite style of architecture, German Expressionism. I wouldn't say that I am a huge fan of architecture, but there are certain types of architecture that I just love. The reason I came to love German Expressionism is from some of my favorite silent films**. I know that it isn't actually german expressionism, but it really has that feeling. It was just such a nice breath of fresh air and it left me feeling inspired.

*Intelligentsia for a coffee, Wurstkuche for a buffalo sausage and beer, The Pie Hole for a slice of apple pie and hot apple cider, Arclight to see an expensive movie or to see a show at Largo at the Coronet, and then to Pizzeria il Fico for the wood fired gnocchi, and possibly back to Intelligentsia for an espresso.

**Das Cabinet Des Caligari (1920), Nosferatu (1922), Phantom (1922), The Last Laugh (1924), Metropolis (1927)

Elsewhere

This is Ethan. I did a photoshoot with him and his sister a couple weeks back. They were both really nice to work with. He and his sister had a lot of energy and I knew I had to be just as energetic as they were to keep up with them. It's funny because I think most people who know me think of me as a person with a lot of energy, but put me next to a child and I don't even compare. But I did my best to keep up with them.

who put rocks in my bed?

It's funny how I equate desolation with tranquility. I know it sounds funny that I begin this post with those words, but I find they pertain to these images. While I was photographing Edwin and Maddie in their backyard, that's sort of how I was feeling. It was nice to have a big empty space to photograph these wonderful kids, and it somehow felt so calming. I think I also feel small when I'm with children, like we're all sort of the same age, in some strange way. So it's just us kids in this big backyard. I kind of felt like Max in Where the Wild Things Are. I guess it's also funny, because when most people think of kids, I don't think they normally think of tranquility. I think most people equate children with chaos, but maybe that's only if the kids are their own. It's just nice to have that feeling again. It's so nice to be a child again.

Little Talks

This is Maddie, who happens to be the sister of Edwin (my previous post). Maddie is eleven years old and wants to be an actress when she grows up. She was so excited to be photographed, which is such a nice change. I understand the fear of being photographed. I go out a lot and ask strangers if I can photograph them and I think they instantly think I'm going to do something terrible with their image. It's just kind of sad that it's come to that. And it's not just strangers: even my own grandma won't let me near her when I am holding a camera. So, naturally, Maddie and I had such a fun time. I wish I had more kids like her and Edwin to photograph. It's such a nice change.

Unfamiliar places

Recently I have been photographing a lot of five years olds*, and while I love five years olds they are a little trickier to work with. So when I got the opportunity to photograph Edwin, a nine year old, I was elated. He was so poised and had such a natural openness to the camera. There's something so amazing about photographing children. I think it's their imagination and lack of pessimism. Every time I photograph a new child it's a new and unique experience, I suppose it's that way with adults as well, but for some reason children just seem so different. It's such a delight. They pull me into their worlds, a world that I vaguely remember. But maybe, it's where our two worlds meet that make these experiences so interesting.

*Despite my lack of posting, I actually have been photographing somewhat regularly. I didn't want to post images that I intend on putting on my new website (which still isn't ready. No surprise there.) As a result I decided not to post any images here on my blog. Since then I have been narrowing down the images that should and should not be on my website. Now that I have that somewhat sorted, I can begin posting the images that will not be posted on my website.

White Blank Page

It's been some time since my last post. For several months I had been trying to finish all of my images for my website. I was actually really close to being ready to put them up but recently I lost/got my laptop and external hard drive (with the only finished versions of my images) stolen. So, now I'm having to start all over. While, I was a little (okay, a lot!) depressed several weeks ago, I am feeling a lot more positive now. I have finally begun re-editing all of the images that are important for my collection. I am even finding images I had previously overlooked to be fairly good, which is kind of neat. I have purchased a new laptop with the help of many of my friends/acquaintances/family members/even teachers and staff at school. It still surprises me that people can be so generous. I am so grateful for everyone's help. Really, if it weren't for them, I would still be moping around feeling sorry for myself.

Self Portrait

Self portraits are kind of strange to me because I always feel vain taking them, but on the other hand, it's always been a way to document how I am feeling at any particular moment. Some people write in journals, but I can't express myself in words. I'm a very visual person. But not just in the act of taking the image, but also in how I edit them. The last few weeks have been very confusing for me. I had never, in my life, felt so much lacking in artistic drive. I've always thought of myself as someone who has to continue working on art all the time to stay happy, it never really mattered what the medium was. So, when I realized all the time I had spent editing those images, images I no longer had copies of, I just felt so upset. It seemed like such a waste of time. Why make art if you can't show it to anyone? While I enjoyed every moment of taking and editing those images, it's also just very difficult to see them go. but they are gone now. I have tried to make my peace with that. I am trying to look at it with a different perspective. I now have a chance to actually go through my images again, and edit them the right way, a way that's very cohesive. The image above will be apart of my self portrait series. I am feeling proactive.

Imagine the Swan

(double click to see fine detail)

I often go to the Cypress College Swap meet on Sundays to photograph people. This lady was standing by herself under the trees, and she really just looked so lonely but in a very majestic way. She obviously was waiting for someone to come pick her up, but I just felt such a warm connection. Sometimes when I see certain people, I can't think of anything other than photographing them, it's something I have to do or I'll really regret it. I watched her for a minute as she "watched the world go by." I finally worked up the courage to ask her if I could photograph her. I could tell she didn't really want to be photographed but she agreed. As I was taking her picture, her daughter pulled up to the sidewalk in a car. and that was it. The lady helped her Mother into the car. The older woman smiled at me before she got in and drove away. I wish I had ask her for her name.

In my Place

Recently I was in Las Vegas for my sister's bachelorette party and while all the other girls were getting ready, I decided to take a self portrait. I was trying to pin point how I felt there in that moment. It's really a very strange place, and to tell you the truth, I hope to not go back there again, unless I am making a photographic series on it, or to remind myself why I don't enjoy it there. I really felt very strange, and very much like an outcast. This is the outfit I wore to a club. I realized when I got there that my dress wasn't short or tight enough. I wasn't wearing high heels, I was wearing boots. I looked like a flamingo in a coal mine. I remember having this same feeling as a child being at school dances, watching all the other girls look and act older than they actually were. It's like everything and everyone else was moving very fast and I just stood still being wrapped in time. Maybe that sounds a little too dramatic, but hopefully you know what i mean.

Antonia

You may have read on here that I recently went on a trip to Portland Oregon to go to the Tinhouse writers workshop. I wouldn't say that Jeff and I made a bundle of new friends or anything like that, but we did meet a couple people that were really interesting. This is Antonia. She is from Australia. It was funny because when we first arrived I saw her and another girl walking around, and I was aching to photograph them, they just had such beautiful and interesting faces. Later during the week, Jeff and I were sitting at a table and they looked like they needed a place to sit, so we let them sit with us. Both Antonia and Emily had really interesting novel ideas. After we all had been talking a while, I ask if I could photograph each of them. I'm so glad they let me.

My Little Corner of the World

This picture was taken in Carlsbad, if it looks familiar it may be because you saw this and/or this. I took all three of them while I was on vacation with my family. Jeff came down for the day and we went on a walk along the beach, and I really just felt so in love with this bridge. I don't know what it was, it seemed so neglected by the world, but it was just so beautiful, it felt like I found my little corner of the world.